Depression. You're surrounded by happiness, and yet it’s not for you.

You go to the shower for retreat, and just fall to the floor in tears, the warm water making it easier to cry without inhibition. You sit there hoping the shower will wash away all that darkness. Hoping vainly.

There's a certain stage where you can see that you are surrounded by happiness, but you aren't yourself. You sit there in your corner of darkness virtually blinded by the light.

In the next stage, your darkness becomes your comfort. Being out in the light disturbs you as it's a contrast to your darkness. Your once retreat to remove the darkness has turned into darkness itself.